When you think of confident leaders, who comes to mind?
Chances are, you picture someone elegant, decisive, and articulate — someone who seems born to lead. But here’s the truth: confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill.
And just like any skill, confidence is built through deliberate action, not just belief.
In today’s fast-changing landscape, leaders are called to navigate ambiguity, make high-stakes decisions, and inspire others — often without a clear roadmap.
Waiting to “feel” confident before you act isn’t leadership. It’s hesitation. And it’s costly.
Instead, empowered leaders embrace what I call the Confidence-Competence Loop — a reinforcing cycle where action builds capability, and capability fuels belief.
Confidence Comes After the First Step
One of the biggest myths in leadership is that you need to feel sure before you move. But neuroscience and experience tell us the opposite:
Clarity follows action. Confidence grows from doing.
Every time you take action despite self-doubt — whether it’s giving feedback, leading a difficult conversation, or pitching a bold idea — you prove something powerful to yourself: I can handle this.
That action builds competence. The more competent you become, the more confident you feel to act again. And so the cycle continues
The Loop in Action
Let’s break it down:
1. You take a small step — even if you’re unsure.
2. You gain experience — you learn, adjust, improve.
3. You grow in competence — which boosts your trust in yourself.
4. Your confidence expands — making the next step easier.
You don’t need to “fake it till you make it.” You just need to move forward even when it’s uncomfortable.
A Simple Reflection to Spark the Loop
Ask yourself:
“What’s one small action I can take today that my future self will thank me for?”
It could be speaking up in a meeting, setting a boundary, or initiating a conversation you’ve been putting off. Keep it specific and doable.
Taking that one step, today, may be the moment that tips the loop into motion.
My Two Confidence-Competence Loop Stories
The first story was when I took my first overseas-based assignment in Malaysia in 1997. I was a young mother and wife. I never imagined work-life balancing to be so difficult. The physical, emotional and mental demands stressed me. This was the unintended consequence of what I thought was a delightfully rewarding career development.
To thrive, all my senses opened up to adaptability and prioritization. Without formal management & leadership training, I began to institute changes, manage a complex business and lead a diverse team. I learned to deal with my emotions when the outcomes didn’t play out as planned. I appreciated failures as much as successes. There’s truly no substitute to experience.
The second story was when I shifted to a new industry and put up our own training consultancy in 2008, POWERinU Training and Coaching in Singapore. Our first venture was daunting and full of unknowns. We continuously evaluated and adjusted our plans and strategies, and tried to be as flexible and agile as possible. Did we prepare enough? I believe we prepared to the point that we were ready with the risks that came with our decisions and actions. There was always an element of uncertainty but it did not stop us from continuing into our journey.
“The way out is always through” by Robert Frost ~ I believe this and have made it my life motto. Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite writers, has said it perfectly: “Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.” Experiences stretch the mind, heart, body and soul.
Final Thoughts: Trust Begins Within
Empowered leadership isn’t about never feeling doubt. It’s about acting anyway.
Because each brave decision doesn’t just impact your team or business — it rewires your inner belief system.
You don’t wait for trust in yourself to arrive.
You earn it — one small action at a time.
